F U
Today I walked out of my apartment all excited to get in my car to go see the artfully crafted movie, Magic Mike, with one of my besties. Like my male counterparts usually say when they are about to see hot chicks in a movie, I was all like ” I cannot wait to see all that sexualization of the male form. It’s going to be so perfect.” And then to my surprise, I could not find my car. I walked up and down the street with my car unlocker thingamabob, looking dumb as fuck to all my foreign neighbors who probably thought I was trying to steal something of theirs, while I have this crazy look on my face like I have no clue what year it is, or even who I am….and I’m thinking….was I drunk all day yesterday or something? Wait, I was at work I think. So like, did I park my car on another side street and just totally not realize it? Then I realize…..wait a minute…..this is New York! Which must mean……………..oh JOYOUS DAY!!!! My vehicle has been towed. This is what I have dreamed of all along, ever since I moved to NYC! I could not wait to pay all of these amazing, elaborate fines for parking my car halfway in a no parking zone, while the other half stuck in a zone filled with freedom and love for my car. I was just so excited when I had to walk an hour in balls hot heat to the impound lot to pay $250 bucks to get my car out of the lot, matched with a delicious attitude from the woman behind the counter because I got there at 3:01 instead of 3:00, which was when they close. Please! Give me another ticket, tow my car, shoot a bullet through my windshield because I’m using my car to turn tricks on the weekends! In conclusion, I cannot wait for the next time I get a fine in this city…it will probably be the best day of my life.
So how does this relate to fashion, you ask? Well it doesn’t, really, but it does in the sense that I was wearing this couture piece throughout the whole ordeal:
This made me laugh when all was said and done. I AM A GENIUS.
The next time something like this happens to you and you really want to outdo yourself, the below choice is another personal favorite that I think you should purchase to wear in any situation involving the following: cops, any person of higher authority, or Mexicans on the side of the street who clump together and decide to whistle at you as you walk by, but who will never have the audacity to whistle or say things to you when you are with someone of the male form:
Another fun fact about this shirt? I saw Liv Tyler wearing it the other day. Celebrity status and exclaiming your feelings to the world? Perfect.
Have a FANTASTIC day!
